This is my 1,000th post on my personal website/blog, a milestone for me, in my writing journey here, mainly in the topics of technology news and reviews, personal stories, personal development, business topics and areas of personal interest. Initially, I wasn’t sure what topic or theme would suit my milestone 1,000th post because for the past 4-5 months, I was hiding a lot of emotions, hurt and despair behind my normal looking face.
My milestone 1,000th post is dedicated to the memory of my Big Auntie (da jiu mu), my mother’s eldest sister-in-law. Today marks the 35th day since her passing, who lost her fight to cancer. My Big Auntie was a family member that I am very close to, she took care of me when I was just a 1+ months old toddler until I finished secondary 4. She was just like another mother to me, who loved me, nagged at me and of course, the occasional quarrels due to differences in opinions, views and what I wanted to do.
My Big Auntie will definitely have an influence on me over the years that she took care of me, I do pick up some of her traits and style. While I may not cook as skilful and delicious cuisines like my Big Auntie, her cooking skills and knowledge helped me in my cooking when I was studying in Australia.
She also like her things and home to be neat and tidy, I am probably a big culprit, messy and full of things at home. Her nagging and scolding of my home and room will now only be a distant memory in my heart and soul. Over time, my room did change and it’s much better in terms of tidy and neatness, I am speaking the truth here!
When I heard the shocking news from my cousin a few months back that she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer, I was totally devastated and totally shell-shocked. Deep inside me, I know it’s going to be a very very difficult stage with probably of 6 months time left, maybe shorter than 6 months, maybe a chance of a longer period than 6 months.
During the past 4 months, I was going through a very very difficult time, the emotions, hurt, despair and I wasn’t able to do much more for her. This period was also very very difficult for my uncle, cousins and nieces. No words can describe this journey, no words, enough said.
Very few friends, only a very select few know about what was happening, I just looked normal like always, maybe just more moody and bad tempered. I was hiding a lot of emotions, sadness and hurt behind my face. That was also a period whereby there were not many articles being published here on my website/blog.
My Big Auntie lost her fight to cancer, about 4 months after her diagnosis. It was so painful to watch her suffer and while I am very sad and hurt that she is no longer around, it’s also a relief for her that she doesn’t have to suffer pain anymore.
35 days have passed since her passing. I finally managed to pen down my thoughts and feelings, without going into too much details of the past 4 months. This was also a kind of relief for me, while I am still hurting inside my heart., writing and sharing it out here, helps to relieve some of the pain, hurt and sadness.
I lost my paternal grandmother to old age in November 2016, the matriarch of my family, I also lost another senior relative, my grand-auntie in July 2017 and also a cousin in May 2017. This had been a very tough and emotionally draining period since November 2016 while I was building/starting up a small photography business.
To my da jiu mu, my Big Auntie, you will never be forgotten, for everything that you did for me since I was born. I hereby promise you that I am going to make my room and home (along with my parents taking action to clean up the home also) even more clean, neat and tidy, on top of getting my business stable and on track, then you do not to worry about me from the heavens above.
For this special 1,000th milestone on my personal website/blog, I dedicate this post to you, my Big Auntie, in your memory and legacy that you leave behind for us.